I didn't say it would be easy...

"I didn't say it would be easy, I just said it would be worth it."

Today was a really rainy day. I felt like it was raining this afternoon both inside and out. I'll start with this morning. One of our cars was getting some work done this morning so while we waited for it to finished we went back to a spot we discovered a few week ago. Sydney got to wear her fancy rain gear and splash in all the puddles. Too bad Andy and I don't have rain gear yet and we got soaked. IT WAS POURING. Anyway.... I didn't take pictures today because of the downpour but I do have pictures of our first trip to Salmon Creek Waterfall which is about a 100 yd walk on a path directly behind the Gold Creek Salmon Bake (a tourist mining attraction and buffet). Luckily they let you just walk through and see the waterfall when its not prime tourist hours.

This afternoon started off okay. Since it was raining, we went to visit a friend after dinner. About the time we left there, both Sydney and I started to deteriorate. Now that she's in bed and I can think more clearly, I don't think she actually took a nap today, if she did it was very short. That my have been our problem. Related side note... One of my biggest problems this pregnancy has been headaches. About the time my nausea stopped, the headaches started. I almost always have a dull headache but in the evening it sometimes get a lot worse. Along with the headaches comes a severe brain block. Andy thinks its funny how much I forget things, miscalculate things, can't remember things, go into random dazes, but he doesn't see the evenings when my brain really collapses. So I'm hoping I can blame my brain today for my lack of ideas on how to deal with Sydney's defiance. Sometimes she hits Andy and I when she gets frustrated lately and today she kicked me right in the face :/. I was trying to brush her teeth. My gut instinct keeps telling me to just ignore it and not react and hope it goes away quickly... however she keeps hitting, whining, giving orders (Seriously like "MAMA GO GET ___________ in a very loud voice), and kicking until she gets what she wants or something she finds better. So then I wonder am I teaching her she can be rude, hurtful, and inconsiderate by ignoring it and trying to distract her? Bah... Sydney rarely gets in these moods, but when she does right now I'm at a loss for what to do. I feel like I can't think things through and my brain just freezes up in the moment. Then we're both frustrated. I'm just grateful its not a regular thing and hope to be able to think on the problem and discover the real problem that's making her feel the need to act out. I need to remember to say a prayer really. So for those of you who thought life here in Juneau was all flowers and adventures... Surprise! I have to admit it's really going well, challenging but well. I can definitely feel myself stretching a lot as we adjust to a new work schedule, less friends, less money, less family,  new climate/environment, new pregnancy, new lifestyle, etc. and sometimes it all gets very overwhelming, but EVERY Sunday when I sit in church and listen/look at the people around me or when we have a really awesome day, I can completely feel a reaffirmation that we are exactly where we are supposed to be, doing what God wants us to do.

I want to share a particular experience I had on Sunday. Our Sunday School lesson included a discussion about the parable of the ten virgins, and we were discussing how to fill our lamps. As we were making a list of things we could do on the board, the discussion turned to those who live their lives valiantly and consistently follow the commandments. We talked about the virgins who had previously prepared, had watched, and waited for their chance to follow the bridegroom as opposed to those who had idled away their time beforehand. Although it was not a big part of the discussion, doing the Lord's will consistently even if it isn't convenient or easy really struck me and immediately brought my mind to our family and our particular struggles right now. It reminded me of a General Conference talk given this April that struck me when we were making the decision to move and again about a week ago when I reread it on a particularly challenging day. Elder Kent F. Richards ,who is surgeon, begins his talk with a story about pain and what he has learned as he intentionally inflicts pain on people every day for their own good. He then shares an excerpt from a talk by Dallin H. Oaks, former member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, 'As Elder Dallin H. Oaks has taught: “Healing blessings come in many ways, each suited to our individual needs, as known to Him who loves us best. Sometimes a ‘healing’ cures our illness or lifts our burden. But sometimes we are ‘healed’ by being given strength or understanding or patience to bear the burdens placed upon us.”‍ All that will come may be “clasped in the arms of Jesus.” ' The first time I heard that quote, I immediately wrote it down in my journal. I typically make a list of the things I write down from conference and try to focus on one or two changes/principles a week. Isn't it ironic then that when I got home to look at my list this Sunday, that same quote feel on this exact week?... I don't really believe in irony but see it as direction from the Lord. Elder Richards continues, "Our great personal challenge in mortality is to become “a saint through the atonement of Christ.”‍ The pain you and I experience may be where this process is most measured. In extremity, we can become as children in our hearts, humble ourselves, and “pray and work and wait”‍ patiently for the healing of our bodies and our souls. As Job, after being refined through our trials, we “shall come forth as gold.”' I truly feel like we are in the midst of a refiners fire, but I simply cannot deny the fact that we are here for a reason whatever it may be. The evidence given me just on this one Sunday is undeniable. A scripture I also recently came across in the Doctrine and Covenants reads, “And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high” (D&C 121:7–8). I keep coming back to that, and I feel like I would be ungrateful if I didn't write down and give thanks for the constant reassurance and strength we are being given to bear what has been a difficult change in our lives, even if sometimes it makes me want to cry and scream (I'm trying to blame that on the pregnancy too :) ). And I'll say again I cannot deny the fact that again and again we are reassured and as Andy says "Things will get easier and better. Just wait and see." He tells me this practically every other day and I love him for that.

The full text of Elder Richards talk on pain and the Lord's atonement can be found at:
https://lds.org/general-conference/2011/04/the-atonement-covers-all-pain?lang=eng