Today I gave a talk in Sacrament meeting at church. My topic was baptism and I was to draw inspiration from Elder David A. Bednar's talk in April 2015's General Conference of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Elder Bednar is a member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles and entitled his talk, "Always Retain a Remission of Your Sins." I was stumped.
Baptism seems like a topic that people are so familiar with and such basic idea that how could I possibly say anything for twenty minutes that people didn't already know. I wanted to help people realize something new or see something in a different light but had no idea how. I spent the week reviewing and studying the talk and highlighting different aspects as well as other sources, but the week came and went to no avail. Then we were able to have the two elder missionaries serving in our ward over for dinner Friday night, and I happened to mention to them my predicament. They asked if I wanted them to help. OF COURSE! After discussing what I had already studied, they and Andy gave different ideas of places I could look to expand on the topic. I had read other talks; I had read the Bible Dictionary, but it wasn't until I opened
True to the Faith and starting reading its expansion on our baptismal covenant and what it really means to keep it that I felt sure. I was amazed at how I suddenly knew this is where the Lord wanted me to take my thoughts. I was no longer unsure and confused but assured and at peace.
I have reflected on this today as well as over the past few months. Never in my life have I noticed so strongly the impressions of the Holy Spirit than I have this past year. Though, I guess it began when we moved to Alaska; it was so hard at first, but I was so sure this is exactly what we were supposed to do. I felt it reiterated to me in my heart over and over again over the first few months. The first time I walked into the birth center where our next two children were born, the feeling was the same.... overwhelming peace and assurance that this was a good path for me. Then when we started to consider leaving Alaska.... talk about kicking against the pricks.... I fought that decision; I wouldn't allow myself to feel the influence of the Spirit. I cried for a week straight. I loved Alaska. I loved the place, the people, how we had grown as a family and I didn't want to leave it. But the Lord had something else in mind and as I opened my heart to truly consider the Lord's will, it was that peace... the reassurance that this was what the Lord wanted me to do that became more clear, even though the sadness didn't leave. It's been easier to hold onto that feeling ever since.
I have had many experiences with the Holy Spirit throughout my life and felt Him testify of the truth of a doctrine or guide me toward a decision, but I guess it seems that I quickly forgot how it felt or His voice sounded. I must have stopped looking to keep feeling His inspiration and just waited for it to rain down on me again. I have never struggled to teach lessons in my life. I have never struggled to write papers. I have never struggled to give a talk or know what to say in a public setting, but lately I find myself stumped. It's as if the sudden flow or words and thoughts that used to come to me without effort now requires time and study every time I need to speak/teach. I've been confused by this, but now am realizing how much gratitude I have for these experiences that have taught me to recognize the Spirit more in my life. I am finally truly coming to be able to sort out His voice from all the others in my head and recognize it enough to stop in my tracks and listen for what I am being asked to do or say.
In preparing my sharing time lessons for Primary this month, its not that I couldn't find enough ideas or didn't feel right about how its suggested I present the lessons, but more that I didn't feel satisfied that just presenting the doctrine was enough. I have found in myself a hunger to know deeply what the people I'm teaching and helping need from me, not from anyone but from me - not just what I could do, but what they need. It hasn't been until I have made several attempts to learn what to teach or say and then felt stuck, anxious or confused and backed up to go a different route, that I eventually, but every time, have finally recognized a sudden and recognizable shift in my mind. It's as if all confusion melts away, all other ideas pale, and suddenly I know what to do and what to say.
It is a great blessing the Lord has been pouring over me to allow me to have these experiences to learn to know the voice of His Spirit and to know what I need to say and do. I consider it a great privilege and feel grateful and joy that He offers the opportunity to teach and serve for Him. I am so happy to get to know Him more and get closer to Him. I know He loves me and all His other children and that there is a place for me and the things I can do on this Earth to help bring them back to Him. I am grateful for this knowledge in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
